I’m about to get real with you. I’ve been doing a LOT of soul searching. This past week, I spent time in Los Angeles for the first time since I moved. Truthfully I really wasn’t expecting so many emotions to surface… but they did. Los Angeles is a bittersweet memory for me. It was an incredible experience and absolutely paramount to shaping who I am today. However, it was also a swift kick to the ego and helped me realize that I want something specific out of life and it wasn’t in California.
Los Angeles is truly the land of creative opportunity and there is a lot that is attractive about that. Living in LA is glamorous. It’s a never ending summer and often feels like life is a vacation. That’s excellent for some people but I’m personally way too sensitive and haphazard to survive in that environment. I crave genuine connection and a sense of community. I want to collaborate and be a life long supporter of someone. I want to be confident and my own number one fan. Perhaps it’s because I grew up in a small town where I knew most everyone. Growing up on the East Coast also comes with a strong sense of loyalty and heritage – an “it takes a village” attitude if you will. Los Angeles had me feeling solitary and alone, which is ironic in a city filled with so many people.
This visit back certainly brought back a lot of really interesting memories for me, some that were painful to relive, some that were exhilarating. Aside from that, what I did realize was that I missed the diversity and the personal sense of fashion and style. Denver has such potential to be a bustling creative hub and trust me, it’s here. People are open and accepting and willing to do it live. But it’s still a little vanilla. There’s still something slightly holding people back from presenting a full, flamboyant and colorful expression of themselves. If I took anything out of my soul searching in LA this past week, it was that I’m going to do everything in my power to be 100% authentically myself. I’m going to regret nothing if it feels right. I’m going to share my talents and connect with people and collaborate as much as possible. I’m going to continue to chase my dream of creating a community where people feel comfortable being nothing but who they are. And I’m going to work harder than ever to truly find and become myself.
There’s still a lot ahead of me in my life that is uncertain and it’s scary as hell. But I know that I’m finally doing what I love and working really hard to be the best version of myself. That’s what is going to help me realize my truth and I look forward to the ride ahead.