This post began as a free-write, personal journal entry.  About halfway through, I decided that it was perfect for this blog post… 

Seven years ago, I never thought I would be in Los Angeles. Hell, even three years ago I was feeling some type of way in Boston. When I reflect on it, I can vividly remember one night: I was lying on Drew’s bedroom floor in his Back Bay apartment, crying… feeling lost, alone and confused. I was happy to be on an adventure of independence, but terrified, emotional and anxious.

Here I am now, four years post grad and living with my boyfriend in Los Angeles, California. Literally the farthest place I can imagine from my hometown in Cumberland, Maine. I find myself totally in my head, anxious, restless and quite frankly… absolutely terrified.

I say this not for your pity of for or for attention, trust me… I overthink everything enough to have covered that base already. Instead, I say this because I know that there are others out there who feel similarly to me. The world is a scary place when you’re outside of your comfort zone, but cliches are cliche for a reason. It’s necessary to push ourselves to want more, even if the road is dark. Let’s band together, let’s support each other in finding light. We are programmed as humans to feel connection and to want to achieve and to be apart of something. I’ll be honest, “I have no idea what I’m doing.” But I’m sure as hell trying to figure it out. I’d love it if you helped me make it happen.

Photography: Drew Roy

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Jacket: c/o Jac Vanek, Short: Levi’s via Urban Outfitters, Shirt: Truly Madly Deeply, Sunglasses: Urban Outfitters


Linked up with: Trend Spin, Style Sessions, Let’s Be Friends, Confident Twosday, Style Swap Tuesdays, Turn It Up Tuesday, Totally Terrific Tuesday,Turning Heads Tuesday

8 thoughts on “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING

  1. I LOVE this jacket! I have no idea what I’m doing either, haha!

    • Jac Vanek is the best – you totally gotta check out her site!

  2. Paige

    This is totally resonating with me. After six years in Boston, I just moved to the TwinCities with my boyfriend. I wanted space to create, learn, and grow as a person. Still this morning I woke up with the “what the hell am I doing”. It’s kinda wonderful to know I’m not the only one <3

    • Girl you are SO not the only one! keep doing you and if you ever need to talk it out, you know where to find me xo

  3. Holly

    Definitely not alone! Feeling 100% that way as I type. Have to believe still, in the midst of uncertainty, that the best is yet to come even if I have no idea what that is or how I’ll get there. Hugs from Boston.

  4. This post parallels everything I’m going through right now. After 2 years in Argentina, I am planning my move home and I am terrified. But we must keep moving, finding new adventures, and stay positive! You are not alone.

    • Change is definitely scary but necessary for a fulfilled life 🙂 Glad to know I’m not alone xo

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