The more life that I experience, the more that I realize that as a society, we are not trained to communicate well. Therapy is still taboo, egos still take over our thoughts, and confrontation makes most people shut down. I can admit that confrontation is not my favorite. However, I am by no means afraid of it. Recently some stuff has happened that has been a cause for reflection. I’m fed up with a lof of the drama and pain that comes with miscommunicating. It’s unfair and exhausting for everyone involved.
Here’s the thing: If you have expectations in a relationship (of any kind), it is absolutely unfair to not meet those expectations yourself. If you’re feeling tension or you’re going through something, sit quietly and reflect, ask for some space, or talk about it.
Things that are not okay when communicating:
- Placing blame.
- Attacking the other person.
- Projecting your issues onto a friend or loved one.
- Any type of abuse (emotional or physical).
Things that are okay when communicating:
- Asking for help/ asking to talk.
- Providing insight into your own feelings in hopes of cleaning up any misunderstandings.
- Treating others as you expect to be treated.
- Speaking from as calm and respectful of a place as possible (even though emotions might be high).
I have always been a believer that most people are inherently good. As a whole, we want happiness, harmony, and love. What I’ve discovered as I’ve gotten older is that some humans are too scared to change. Scared of pain and heartache, scared of failure, and scared to admit that they still have growing to do.
I was in NYC last week for the Create & Cultivate conference and this quote from Rosie Huntington Whitley really resonated with me:
“You gotta understand that some people never really grow. They never learn their lesson. They never recognize their mistakes. They never acknowledge their faults. They never admit they were in the wrong. You will never receive an apology from them and you will never see their behavior change.”
As someone who chooses to see the best in people, that was tough to hear. But sadly, it’s true. At some point, it becomes okay to let go and move on if you aren’t getting respect in return. Let’s change the conversation about communication. Set expectations, be better, show up. That’s self-love.